The Good Luck Charm Read online

  “Martin helped us clean it all up before they got back,” I say softly.

  Jeannie turns to Ethan, who I’ve been trying desperately not to look in the eye, and says in a wavering voice, “What if he’s not okay?”

  Ethan steps up and pulls her into his broad chest. “I’ll be here to help, no matter what happens.”

  I don’t understand how he can do that when he’s living in Chicago, but maybe he’s placating.

  “I’m so glad you’re coming home,” Jeannie says.

  My stomach dips and then flips. I finally meet his gaze again. Raw emotions make him look older than twenty-seven. My questions must be evident in my expression.

  “I’ve been traded to Minnesota,” he explains.

  I feel like I’m taking slap shots to the heart left, right, and center today. And this might be the one that finally does me in.

  Chapter Two

  Long Nights

  Lilah

  You’re coming home.” It’s a soft whisper filled with a range of emotions, not the least of which is anger.

  “I am.”

  I look away as Ethan envelops Jeannie in a hug, murmuring soothing words. He’s her anchor in an otherwise turbulent sea of uncertainty.

  I focus on Martin’s unconscious form, feeling as if I’m intruding on a private moment, unsure of my role. Usually I’m Jeannie’s shoulder and she’s mine, but Ethan’s presence changes everything. As does his permanence.

  Jeannie’s burst of emotion dissipates on a deep exhale. She turns to me with a small smile. “I’d like to stay the night. Do you think the hospital will allow that?”

  “I could—” I’m about to offer to stay with her, but I pause, then force the corners of my mouth to lift and approximate a smile. I’m not needed with Ethan here. “I’m sure I can get clearance. I’ll see about having a lounger brought in so you don’t have to sleep in one of those chairs.” I motion to the one beside the bed.

  Ethan squeezes Jeannie’s shoulder. “I’ll stay, too.”

  Jeannie’s hand covers his. “You don’t have to do that. You can go back to the house.”

  “I’m not leaving you.”

  Those four words feel like a serrated blade sliced across my heart. He promised me that once, too. It meant something, until he went back on it. “I’ll have to get clearance for a second person. The hospital may not allow it.” My anger makes it come out snappy rather than a soft caution, and I immediately feel bad. This isn’t about me; it’s about Martin and Jeannie having support.

  “I can stay in the waiting room if I have to.” He tries to meet my gaze, but I can’t hold his without potentially breaking down again.

  “I’ll try my best.” I direct the comment at Jeannie. She’s wearing her favorite apron, one Ethan and I picked out almost a decade ago as a Mother’s Day present. I need to get out of here, away from all the memories that come with his presence. “I can stop by the house and get you something more comfortable to wear.”

  “That’s so kind of you, Lilah. You’re always so helpful.” Jeannie looks down, smoothing her hands over the worn cotton. Her eyes go wide with panic, and she looks to Ethan. “The pie! I left it in the oven!”

  “I took it out before I left,” he reassures her.

  I’m 100 percent sure the house will smell like apples, cinnamon, and butter. Apple pie has always been Ethan’s favorite, and Jeannie is the kind of mom who would make it because he’s come home for a visit, or to stay, as seems to be the case.

  “I could pick up things for you, as well, Ethan, if you’d like.” His name feels sharp and bitter on my tongue.

  Jeannie pats his chest. “Or you could go together.”

  “No.” I don’t mean to shout, but I can’t be alone with Ethan, closed in a car with his scent and his voice and a million memories I can’t hide from. I clear my throat and try again. “I’d feel a lot better if you weren’t alone, Jeannie.”

  Ethan’s expression is impassive. I’m sure he’s as relieved as I am not to be in a confined space with me for any length of time. “I have a duffel in the basement bedroom.”

  Another shot of relief hits me. Before I moved into my town house earlier this year, I stayed with Martin and Jeannie for a couple of months in Ethan’s old bedroom. I might have left a few things in there, and the last thing I want is Ethan finding my pajamas in his dresser.

  “I’ll bring the bag back, then.” No way am I going through his luggage. I switch into helpful, action-oriented mode, something I excel at when faced with stressful situations. “Jeannie, I’ll grab your favorite yoga pants and a sweatshirt. Anything else you think you might need?”

  “That would be wonderful. My travel bag is in my bedroom closet, and maybe you could bring my crossword book in case I have trouble sleeping?”

  “On your nightstand?”

  “Or the living room. The usual spots.”

  “Okay. I’ll be back in a bit. Text if you think of anything else. I’ll talk to someone about getting a lounger brought in and about having two people stay the night.” I don’t honestly think it will be difficult to get approval for Ethan, but it makes me feel marginally better to envision him trying to get comfortable in one of those tiny chairs in the waiting room, which is petty considering Martin’s current state.

  Jeannie steps up to hug me again. “Are you sure you don’t want Ethan to go with you?”

  “It’s better if he stays with you, don’t you think?”

  Jeannie steps back, holding my shoulders as her eyes move over my face. “We’ll get through this together. Everything happens for a reason, Delilah.” She lets out a pained sigh and presses her hand to her chest.

  I pat her hand and smile, but say nothing. I can’t understand the reason behind Martin having a stroke, my almost ex-husband having apparently lost his balls entirely, and my first-ever ex-boyfriend, and once best friend, returning to Minnesota all in the same day, unless I’ve done something horrible to warrant this kind of hellish karma. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  I make a right out of the room and speed walk down the hall, exhaling a long breath. I need to keep it together until I’m in my car. I stop at the nurses’ station and put in a request for two lounge chairs and two overnight family members for Martin. Fairview is a smaller hospital, people know each other, and my connection to the family allows me some leniency in what I can reasonably ask for.

  Just as I finish filling out the paperwork, Ashley, the receptionist, pokes me with her pen. “I know you’ve had a bad day, so I’m going to do you a favor. Do not turn around right now, but there’s an EFF at three o’clock. Wait, three for me and nine for you. Be nonchalant when you look.” I roll my eyes and suppress a grin. EFF is Ashley code for Extra Fine and Fuckable.

  She wags her eyebrows. “Have a good night.”

  “I have an errand to run. I’ll be back in an hour.” I tap the desk and turn in the direction her eyes keep moving.

  I should’ve known her EFF would be Ethan.

  He takes a step toward me, then stops and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

  I grab my purse and step away from the desk. “Did Jeannie send you out here to ask again?”

  I move toward the exit, absently waving to Ashley, who I’m sure will be all over me with questions when I get back.

  Ethan falls into step beside me. “I thought it might give us an opportunity to talk.”

  I speed up, heading for the employee parking lot and the fresh air I seem to need so badly. It’s hard to take a full breath again. “You mean about Martin? We won’t know anything until he’s awake and they do more tests in the morning.” I know that’s not what he wants to talk about, but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction.

  Warm summer air does nothing to cool my already heated skin as I push through the doors.

  “DJ, wait.”

  I close my eyes, taking a deep breath so I don’t snap. I’m raw. This day has been too hard
, and I’m not ready for this kind of conversation with him. Especially not now, when his father’s health is so uncertain and our emotions are all tied up in the potential for loss. Because no matter what happens, there’s a chance Martin won’t be the same man he was before the stroke.

  “Please, DJ.” His fingers wrap around my wrist.

  I don’t want the sensation to be electric, but it is. I don’t want the warmth that floods my veins at the foreign familiarity of his touch. I don’t want my body to react in any way to him, but it does. My heart remembers that he broke it, but the rest of me seems to have forgotten.

  I jerk away. “I told you, I go by Lilah now.” It’s so stupid, a pointless thing to be stuck on, but it’s the only place I can put focus so I don’t break down.

  “Sorry. I’m not used to it.” He runs an unsteady hand through his hair, sending the thick dark strands into disarray. “I could drive?” His tone is layered with regret and remorse. Emotions that do me no good, not this long after the fact. Not when they only exist because of all the other things happening to him.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea tonight.”

  “I just want to apologize, D—Lilah.”

  I exhale a breath, trying to remain grounded, to keep the simmering anger from bubbling over and pouring out. But I’m so tied up inside, so broken by the events of the past twelve hours and the piece of my past standing in front of me, splintering me apart all over again.

  “What do you want to apologize for?” I ask on a whisper.

  “For the way I handled things.”

  “Handled things?” I echo.

  He drops his head, peeking up at me through long lashes. “When I was drafted.”

  My father was the first man to walk out of my life, and then the dominos began to fall in succession. Ethan was the next to go, then my husband, Avery, and now I might stand to lose Martin, depending on how he comes out of this. I don’t want to lose another man I love, or be faced with heartbreak all over again.

  I run my fingertip from the center of my forehead down the bridge of my nose, working to find some calm. “Neither one of us is prepared for this conversation tonight.”

  “I know you’re upset, but—”

  I hold up a hand. “You’re not hearing me. I can’t do this with you right now. I can’t handle this conversation, and you can’t handle the things I want to say to you.”

  “I made a lot of mistakes.” His voice is soft and sad, which only fuels my anger.

  “Mistakes? You abandoned me. You weren’t just my boyfriend, Ethan; we grew up together. You were my best friend, and you disappeared from my life for eight years. The only reason I’m seeing you after all this time is because of Martin. Do you know how hurtful your silence has been? Every time you came home and never called, did everything you could to avoid seeing me, talking to me? I can’t forgive you for that.”

  His voice cracks. “Not ever?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t have an answer for that now. Not after all these years of nothing. Not with all of this going on.”

  He nods slowly, a crease forming between his eyes. “Right. Okay. You’re right. It’s just…I just…I didn’t ever want to hurt you.”

  “But you did. I mean it when I say you’re not ready to hear what I have to say, and frankly, I’m not ready to say it. This is too much for both of us. Too much is happening. Can we just deal with your dad being in the hospital? I think that’s enough.”

  “Can I at least walk you to your car? Make sure you’re safe?”

  “I’m right over there.” I motion across the lot. “You should be with your mother. She needs you.” Unspoken words hang between us like a noose waiting for a neck to tighten around. The implication is there, even if I’m unsure whether it’s true. I don’t need you.

  “Okay. You’re right.” Ethan’s defeat makes my heart ache even though it shouldn’t. I was always too soft for him, too quick to fold.

  Before I can leave, Ethan takes a step forward, closing the distance between us. I don’t have time to react, to protest, to do much of anything before his body is pressed against mine, his thickly muscled arms wrapped around me.

  I feel simultaneously protected and vulnerable.

  As much as I want to push him away, I return the embrace instead, aware that he’s struggling, and despite my anger, I’m someone familiar he can lean on. I know better than anyone how tumultuous his relationship with his father has been, and what a shock this must be for him. We all believe our parents are invincible until we find out they’re not. So I give in, allowing his touch to soothe and ignite. I absorb the feel of him, the memory of him made real again. For one beat, my fractured heart feels deceptively whole.

  Stubble brushes my cheek, Ethan’s lips at my ear. “I’m so sorry.”

  I push on his chest, desperate to hold on and escape at the same time. “I’ll be back in a bit. Jeannie can message if she thinks of anything else she needs.”

  I rush across the lot, hands shaking as I start the car and pull out onto the street. I drive around the corner before I pull over and put my face in my hands. “Why? Why, why, why?” I give myself one song on the radio to break down. I need to keep it together for Jeannie. When it ends, I wipe my eyes on my sleeve, find a tissue in the bottom of my purse to blow my nose with, take the hazards off, signal, and pull back onto the road.

  The route to Jeannie and Martin’s house is one I could almost drive in my sleep. When my almost ex-husband, Avery, and I couldn’t work things out and the fighting became unbearable, I opted to stay with Jeannie and Martin. I could’ve stayed with my sister Carmen, but she’s not the neatest person. I would’ve driven her nuts with my cleaning.

  I pull into the Kases’ driveway beside a fancy pickup filled with boxes. It must be Ethan’s. As always, the door is unlocked. I step inside and inhale the scent of cinnamon and apples. Before I go upstairs to pack a bag for Jeannie, I head to the basement. Occasionally, Ethan and I used to sneak down here during one of our lunch breaks when his older brother Tyler was away at college. If Jeannie came home while we were in the middle of something we didn’t want her seeing, we’d climb out the basement window undetected.

  The basement has been redecorated—sort of. All of Ethan’s trophies from high school line one wall, along with the team pictures for each year—his parents’ shrine to their unexpected miracle. Their Ethan. My Ethan. At least he was then.

  I stop in the doorway of the wood-paneled bedroom. Ethan’s hockey quilt covers the double bed and more of his high school memorabilia litters the room, including a picture of us at his senior prom. I’d spent so much time as a teenager sprawled across that comforter, trying to make Ethan study for tests. He was easily distractible back then. I grab his duffel from the bed and turn off the light before I head back upstairs. Getting lost in the past isn’t a constructive use of my time.

  I find Jeannie’s yoga pants, a sweatshirt, her toiletries, and an extra change of clothes. I throw in a pair of pajamas for Martin, as well as his toiletries.

  Before I make the trip back to the hospital, I stop in the kitchen and throw a few snacks in the bag, along with some bottled water. The pie sits on the counter. It looks like it had just gone in the oven before they left. I might be able to take it home and save it. Apple pie for breakfast would make for a nice surprise for them tomorrow morning.

  I’m grateful that Jeannie is in the room with Ethan when I return to the hospital. I don’t want to be alone with him. Maybe he wants to apologize to alleviate his conscience. I have no idea. What I do know is a conversation or an apology isn’t going to change anything.

  He can never unbreak my heart.

  Chapter Three

  Ends and Beginnings

  Ethan

  Ethan?” My mother puts her hand on my arm after DJ dropped off our bags and bolted from Dad’s room. “Are you okay?”

  Isn’t that the question of the week? I glance at my mother, wondering how much better she knows DJ than I do
, everything she’s seen in the past eight years that I missed. “She’s stayed close with you and Dad, hasn’t she?”

  “We were always her family, and aside from her sister Carmen, everyone else moved away.” She sounds apologetic.

  “I’m glad that didn’t change.” I run my hands down my thighs. My jeans are still damp from running into the lake to pull my dad’s boat in to shore. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to erase the memory of finding him like that, disoriented and afraid, my own panic merging with his. And on top of what’s happening with my dad, now I have to face the woman I left behind. “She’s still very angry with me.”

  “She has a lot going on, Ethan. Give her some time. This is hard on her, too.” She roots around in her overnight bag and finds the blanket from the living room couch, shaking it out.

  “She said I abandoned her.” My mom pauses to look at me, deep sadness making her eyes glassy. “I think she’s right. That’s not what I meant to do, but that’s exactly what happened, wasn’t it?”

  “You did what you thought was best.”

  “I did what Dad thought was best.” I close my eyes and let my head drop against the back of the chair. “Sorry. This isn’t a good time to talk about this. I just didn’t expect to see DJ, or for any of this to happen.” I gesture toward my father.

  She sighs. “I know you and your father haven’t always seen eye to eye on things, Ethan, especially where your career and Delilah are concerned, but he’s only ever wanted what’s best for you.”

  I glance at my father, hooked up to machines, his future as uncertain as my own, and I worry that this animosity I feel toward him will never be resolved. It’s selfish and unfair, but I don’t know where else to put my anger.

  My phone rings and I check the screen. It’s Josh Cooper, one of my former teammates from LA who was traded to Minnesota a few years ago. I told him I’d be in town tonight, and we’d talked about getting together while I was here.

  “It’s a teammate. I’ll be right back,” I tell my mom, then leave the room so I can take the call.