Clipped Wings Read online

  “You wouldn’t if you knew why we made it in the first place. And don’t ask, because I’m not telling you.”

  I had a feeling I might not want to know anyway. Hayden finished his beer and twisted the top off another. “You ready?”

  “I’m good.” I held up my half-finished one.

  He grabbed the rest of the six-pack and crossed over to the fridge. Opening the door, he froze. “You have no food.”

  “I need to get groceries,” I said, stating the obvious.

  “Tenley, if you don’t eat properly, your tattoo will take longer to heal and we’ll have to space the sessions further apart.”

  “I’ll go tomorrow.”

  “Or we could go now.”

  “As you noticed, I’m not dressed for grocery shopping. Besides, it’s after ten. Nothing’s open.”

  Hayden gave me an incredulous look. “We’re in Chicago—there are twenty-four-hour stores all over the place.”

  “Oh.” In Arden Hills stores closed at normal times. I still had no intention of leaving my apartment tonight. Not now that Hayden was here, and especially not after our conversation.

  “You could change, unless you want to look like you’re auditioning for Flashdance.”

  “Aren’t you hilarious.” I gathered up some of the toys he bought. “I’d rather stay here and play with my kitty.”

  I left him standing there and headed for my bedroom. “She’s in here,” I said and disappeared through the doorway.

  The kitten was right where I left her, curled up on my pillow. I shoved the bra and shirt I forgot to put in the hamper under a pillow as Hayden leaned against the doorjamb and surveyed my room. He looked wary, like he didn’t trust my motives. He was smart. I didn’t trust them, either. The heightened awareness his presence created was difficult to ignore. The only other person who had been in my room was Sarah, and as beautiful as she was, I wasn’t interested in cozying up to her. I dropped the toys on the bed and the kitten lifted her head, blinking sleepily.

  “Hi, cutie pie, Hayden brought you some presents.” I scratched between her ears and she rolled over, showing me her belly.

  In her excitement, she fell off the pillow and tumbled into the pile of toys. For the next several minutes she pounced around on my comforter, chasing after little balls with bells in them and swatting at catnip mice. I tossed one at Hayden, who was still holding up the doorframe. It hit him in the chest and dropped to the floor. The kitten’s little head bobbed as she gauged the distance and jumped down, skidding across the hardwood. Hayden snatched her up when she got close enough and whispered something I couldn’t hear. He set her down gently and flicked the mouse at his feet into the hallway. She skittered away, mewing loudly.

  “Why don’t you come back out here?” Hayden nodded in the direction of the living room.

  Before I considered my actions, I slid off the bed and hooked my thumb in the waistband of my sweat shorts. “Did you want to see how my cupcake is healing, first?”

  He didn’t answer right away. Instead he looked over at the chair in the corner of my room, covered with scarves and other accessories, and then back at the bed.

  “I could do that.” He sauntered over to my dresser, where he deposited his beer.

  He gave me a predatory glare as he sat on the edge of the mattress and ran his palms over his thighs. I nudged his legs apart with my knee and stepped between them. His hands stilled as I pushed my shorts down over my hips; I cringed. I’d forgotten about my poor underwear choice; they were horrifically juvenile. Made of white cotton, they boasted a kitty paw print pattern and red piping at the seams. At least I wasn’t wearing the matching bra anymore.

  “For fuck’s sake.” Hayden pushed my hands out of the way.

  He took over, rolling down the waistband to fully expose the humiliating underwear, his tongue ring clicking furiously. He cleared his throat and hooked his finger under the elastic, drawing it down over the small gauze patch.

  “This should have come off yesterday.”

  “Sorry.” I started to peel away the tape, but he smacked my hand.

  “Don’t touch. I get to do that.”

  Fingers sliding back and forth, he slowly shimmied my underwear below the bandage. If he lowered them farther, he’d be looking at more than my tattoo. He peeled the gauze back and removed it carefully. Folding it in half, he placed it on the comforter and circled the design with his finger. I wanted more of his touch, the desire acute now that I couldn’t have it.

  “How does it look?” I asked, head bowed. My hair fell forward and caressed his hand. I gathered it up so it wouldn’t impede his view.

  “Fantastic.”

  His hands were wrapped around my hips, thumbs sinfully close to the crest of my pubic bone. This was the kind of touch I wanted. I willed his fingers to drift lower and take away the ache, at least temporarily. “It’s healing well? Does that mean we can keep the appointment for next week?”

  “Yeah.” He licked his bottom lip as he continued to inspect the tattoo.

  For someone who felt obligated to abide by a rule, he wasn’t in a hurry to cover my new ink back up. In fact, he seemed inclined to do the opposite.

  His hair was in his face again. I ran my fingers through it, pushing it back off his forehead. As terrifying as it was, I wanted to be closer to him. “About that rule . . .”

  Hayden’s hands stilled. “What about it?”

  “Can you explain it to me again, just so I understand?” I watched the strands of dark hair slip between my fingers, unable to look at him, lest I lost my nerve. When it returned to its same unruly state, I ran my fingers through it again.

  “No sex with clients.”

  “While you’re tattooing them?”

  “Right.”

  “What if you haven’t started yet?” We had a week before he began the back piece. The possibility that I could quell the ravenous hunger for him held too much appeal for me not to step over the line he wanted to draw.

  “Are you giving me a loophole?” His hold tightened.

  “Do you want one?” I already knew the answer, but I wanted him to admit it so I wasn’t alone in my need.

  Too soon he would be completely off-limits; it made me desperate for more of what I knew he could give me. I didn’t want to be told I couldn’t have this person I wanted, not after having nothing for so long.

  “It’s not a good idea, Tenley.”

  “That’s not an answer, Hayden.” I traced the contour of his bottom lip.

  He closed his eyes. I thought he was going to push me away, but then his shoulders sagged in defeat. He bowed forward, his forehead coming to rest on my lower abdomen. I could feel each humid exhalation with every measured breath he took, and my body warmed in anticipation. He shook his head back and forth against my stomach, a contradiction to the way his hands moved over my ribs and around my back, holding me to him. Stubble chafed my skin as he lifted his head, his chin coming to rest below my navel.

  I touched his cheek. “It’s okay to want someone,” I said, as much to myself as to Hayden.

  “Who do you want to convince?”

  I didn’t have a chance to answer, though. Hayden lowered his head and pressed his lips to my skin. His hand traveled down my spine to my backside and squeezed. One second I was standing between his legs, the next I was laid out on my bed.

  He didn’t waste any time. His nose skimmed just above my pubic bone and his lips parted. The warm, wet press of his tongue was a stark contrast to the hard heat of the steel ball piercing through it. I gasped when I felt his teeth.

  Hayden dragged my shorts down my thighs and tossed them over the side of the bed. “These.” He snapped the elastic waist of my underwear. “How the hell am I supposed to keep myself in check when you wear these?”

  “It wasn’t intentional,” I rasped.

  “Bull-fucking-shit.” He hooked his pinkies in either side and removed them, slowly. “You lured me in here.”

  “I’m sorr
y.” I almost meant it.

  “You might be when I’m done with you.”

  My panties ended up on the floor with my shorts, leaving me naked from the waist down. I started to close my legs, but Hayden’s hands moved down the insides of my thighs, pushing them wider apart. His mouth followed the same path, teeth nipping along the way, driving me to the brink as he took his time getting where I wanted him. I writhed beneath him, too lost in erotic sensation to be self-conscious. His grin was wicked when he looked up from between my legs, tongue splayed as he licked up the center. Strong hands slid under me. He held me against his mouth, and that tiny steel ball circled sensitive skin. When I shuddered, he chuckled darkly and sucked hard.

  He slowed down when I was close to an orgasm, his fingers feather light, his tongue just shy of where it would be most effective. When the driving sensation waned, he started up again, taking me back to the edge, over and over. I groaned, desperate for release.

  “You sound frustrated,” Hayden said, giving me a lazy lick.

  I lifted my hips, a silent plea for him to finish me, one way or another. He rested his cheek on my inner thigh and his arms hooked around my legs, holding me in place. It was the sweetest agony and nothing I’d ever experienced before. The intimacy of it blanketed out everything but him.

  “I’m sorry.” He pressed a kiss below the new tattoo, admiring his own handiwork. “I’m not sure what it is you want.”

  “Please, Hayden.” I pushed his hair back from his face, playing nice.

  “Please what?”

  I made an impatient sound in the back of my throat and tried to close my legs again, but he wouldn’t let me. As seductively intense as he could be, he was being a tease. It was infuriating and exhilarating.

  “Just tell me what you want from me, Tenley.”

  I looked down at him, so placid and collected. How he maintained such composure when I was losing my mind was a wonder. He might be struggling as much as I was, but he was better at keeping a front. How naïve of me to believe I’d ever had the upper hand.

  “Right now I want you to make me come,” I whispered.

  “With what?” His thumb brushed over my clit.

  I arched into the touch. “Your mouth.”

  “And then what?”

  “After that I want you inside me.”

  “What part of me?” He dragged a knuckle down and circled my entrance before slipping a finger inside.

  “Your cock.” It came out a nearly unintelligible moan.

  It must have been what he wanted to hear, because his mouth was on me almost instantly. His fingers moved in time with his tongue, curling up and in, finally providing the release I so desperately wanted.

  Lethal in his feral beauty, Hayden prowled up my body, dropping languorous kisses along the way. I grabbed the hem of my shirt, but Hayden stopped me, intent on removing it himself. He lifted it over my head and paused. There was no bra.

  “God, you’re sexy.” All traces of menace were wiped out as he cupped my breasts and drew careful circles around my nipples. “And these . . .” He bent his head, his lips replacing his finger.

  “Okay?” he asked.

  I nodded mutely and he watched me, testing my response as his lips parted, enveloping the taut skin. The smooth ball in his tongue completed a slow circuit, clicking dully against the barbell. It was almost too much.

  “Are you sorry now?” he asked, and applied the gentlest of suction.

  I groaned at the pleasure-pain and shook my head. “No. Should I be?”

  “That depends.” He kissed his way across the valley to devote the same attention to the other breast. I grasped his hair as he licked at my nipple and blew on it. “Do you want me to stop?”

  “Definitely not.” It was questionable whether he would agree to anything like this again. I doubted he lost control often. I pushed aside the fear of what might happen in the aftermath and pulled his shirt over his head so I could see him.

  Vibrant color gave way to solid black lines. My fingers drifted over the ink. The muscles in his chest tensed and bunched as he held himself over me, allowing me to touch the canvas of his body. I could see now the rest of the colorful design on his arm, the orange fish splashing up a stream heavy with blossoms, half wilted, half alive. I traced the black lines on his chest and finally understood the pattern. It was a phoenix, the thick bands of ink traveling across his body and down into the waistband of his jeans. I could have spent hours uncovering his art, looking for the meaning in the pieces he chose to cover his skin.

  “You’re gorgeous.”

  He shook his head and settled between my legs, his belt buckle a cold shock against my stomach. His chest came flush with mine. The solid weight of his body grounded me in the present and kept me from falling backward into memories I didn’t want anymore. He was all that existed in this moment.

  He framed my face between his hands, his touch soft, his expression severe. “Just this one time. Just once. Then not again until the tattoo is done. It’s too complicated.”

  I couldn’t see how his restrictions would make things less difficult, but I would take whatever he was offering. It was better than the alternative. “If that’s what you want.”

  “What I want?” He circled his hips, his erection insistent against me. “What I want is for you to stop being so fucking reticent and tell my why you want that monster of a tattoo.”

  Hayden was just as taciturn, but I didn’t think it would be a good time to point that out.

  “What I want is to know why the fuck I can’t get you out of my head.” He sat back on his heels, unbuckled his belt, and popped the button on his jeans. “What I want—” He pulled them down over his hips; there were no boxers. “—is to figure out why I have no control when it comes to you.”

  His erection sprang free. I swallowed hard. In my rather narrow field of experience, I had never seen anything quite so impressive. Fascinated, I reached out and ran a tentative finger from base to tip, circling the thick steel ball piercing the head. It jerked at the contact. I propped myself up on my elbow, taking him in my hand. Hayden grunted out an expletive.

  “What’s it called?” I asked when I realized the barbell ran straight through the head, in one side and out the other.

  “What?” Hayden’s hips shifted forward.

  “The piercing, what’s it called?”

  “Apadravya.”

  I repeated it, testing out the word. “It must have hurt.” I circled the ball with my thumb.

  “At the time, but it feels fucking amazing right now.” He fumbled with his discarded jeans, and his wallet came free as I continued to stroke him. Flipping it open, he lifted a trio of gold foil squares from inside. Using his teeth, he severed one from its brothers and tore it open. His hand covered mine, and he gently pried my fingers away. I didn’t offer to help, too enthralled with the way the latex stretched over the piercing. He rolled it swiftly down his length. Like he’d done it before. Many times.

  Hayden leaned over me, his hips resting in the cradle of mine, hard against soft this time. “Last chance to back out, Tenley.”

  I dragged a foot up the back of his leg, pressing my heel against his ass.

  His mouth came down on mine. The steel rings bit into my skin as his tongue pushed past my lips, eagerly seeking out my own. He snaked a hand between us and I felt the thick head of his erection pass over my clit and go lower until he was easing inside. His forehead dropped against my shoulder and he turned his face into my neck. The barbell passed the threshold, first one side, then the other. It slid along sensitive places inside me. It didn’t matter that I’d already had an orgasm, or that he tried to ready me for him; I wasn’t prepared for the sheer girth. My body stretched to accommodate him, the sharp sting an indication I was filled beyond capacity. My knees clamped against his hips.

  Hayden’s head snapped up. “Tenley?” Frantic fingers were in my hair. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded and held on to the back of his neck, w
anting to keep him close. “Just give me a second. You’re a lot to handle.”

  He waited until I urged him on, his breathing controlled. I matched mine to his, relaxing into him when he pushed forward again, until our hips met. We stayed like that for an interminable moment. I focused on the smell of his skin and the feel of him inside me, wanting this connection to wipe out everything that came before it. He took away the pain, consuming it and me. He kissed me again, slow and soft this time, circling his hips but staying deep. The sensation was indescribable, overwhelming but not quite enough. I didn’t want it to end.

  Hayden let out a rough curse, hips pulling back and surging forward. “I’m not . . . I can’t . . . You feel too fucking good.”

  When I shifted under him, he made a pained sound and his muscles trembled.

  “Just wait,” he said.

  It verged on a plea. I ran a hand down his back and he shuddered.

  “Fuck. Never mind. It’s too late.” His forearms slid under my back and his fingers curled around my shoulders, holding me tight to him. His shallow thrusts grew more and more erratic. His mouth was at my neck, lips parting against my skin, teeth sinking in as he moved inside me. Hayden’s body locked down as he groaned low in his throat.

  “I didn’t expect that,” he said apologetically, kissing the spot where his teeth had just been.

  He pushed up on his arms and I tightened my grip, fingernails digging into his skin. “Not yet, please.”

  He pulled back, looking at me with something halfway between amusement and sheepishness. His palm moved over the sheets until something crinkled. Holding himself up on one arm, he separated the twin squares and handed me one.

  “Didn’t you just—”

  “That doesn’t mean I’m done.”

  The sudden emptiness as he pulled out was startlingly unpleasant. Hayden removed the spent condom and tossed it in the trash. I ripped open the new one and passed it to him, too desperate to have him back inside me to do it myself. It took him two tries to roll it on.